Betty?s Story
Betty has been referred into treatment for a binge eating disorder (BED) by her long-time psychotherapist, who sees out-of-control patterns emerging that need to be addressed outside of the outpatient frame. Betty arrives 75 pounds overweight and has a number of health problems, but with the right combination of therapy and self-care she starts looking and feeling better than ever.
Once home and attending support groups and meetings, Betty finds that men are now taking note of her ?improved look.? Betty finds herself both feeling sexy and wanting to be seen. So out she goes, looking for ?the one? but settling instead for a lot of romantic attention and casual sex.
Eventually she finds ?the one? and settles down into a committed relationship. Sadly, within a few short months of playing house Betty begins to gain weight and within 18 months, Betty has gained back 60 pounds, but also loses her new romantic partner who walks out the door not having gotten the woman he bargained for. This pattern plays out not once or twice, but nearly every time Betty gets into a serious relationship. It has never been identified.
Betty unconsciously uses her physical size to control relationship intimacy. Early on, she works hard at the gym and Weight Watchers to become what she believes ? and our culture tells her ? is desirable, as she isn?t threatened by emotionally distant (but sexually intense) relationships. When she inevitably finds someone with whom she wishes to become more intimate, Betty begins to abuse food, gain weight, and literally distance herself from her partner and her desired goal of long-term intimacy.
It?s All About Lucy
Lucy is obsessed with her looks. Her steady diet of ?diet pills? and amphetamines keeps her moody, but slim. Thanks to the magic of plastic surgery and daily cycling and yoga, her body is firm, her lips are perfectly pouty, and there isn?t a fine line or wrinkle in sight. Always ready to mingle no matter where she is, especially when she?s had a few drinks, Lucy does whatever it takes to ?get? Mr. Right, even if it means starving or purging to drop a few pounds.
Despite her investment of time and attention (not to mention the $45,000 surgery bill), Lucy sees imperfection everywhere. The intense devoted attention that wrings out of the men she attracts, whether via casual sex or affairs with married men, distracts her long enough to feel really good about herself ? at least for a while.
Lucy uses her figure and appearance to attract men who she believes will complete her and make her feel whole. If she receives treatment that involves drug/alcohol, eating and sex/relationship disorders, she may come to realize how closely tied her repeated failed relationships have been to disordered self-image, eating and depression.
What Is the Common Thread?
Although both Betty and Lucy may arrive in treatment for eating disorder issues, drug abuse and/or mood problems, both also have profound adult sex, intimacy and relationship concerns that need to be addressed, but in treatment settings can all too often be overlooked.
It is not unusual for women with attachment or early trauma-related problems to be identified and treated for eating disorders and chemical dependency. In cases where there is repeated relapse it may well be the case that adult intimacy issues simply have not been identified. The fact is that nearly 50 percent of those women receiving treatment for sexual disorders also report suffering from an identifiable eating disorder.
Although the connections between eating disorders and sex, love and relationship addictions in women have not been adequately researched, the experience of many addiction treatment professionals is that cross-addictions and co-morbidity are common. If adult sex and relationship behavior patterns aren?t properly assessed while these women are being treated for other concerns, these unidentified issues can manifest in post-treatment eating disorder and substance abuse relapse along with unresolved lifelong problems with sex and relationships.
Robert Weiss is the author of three books on sexual addiction and Founding Director of the premiere sex addiction treatment program,?The Sexual Recovery Institute. He is Director of Sexual Disorders Services at?The Ranch and?Promises Treatment Centers. These centers serve individuals seeking?sexual addiction treatment, love addiction treatment,?and?porn addiction help. Specifically, the?Centers for Relationship and Sexual Recovery at The Ranch (CRSR) offer specialized intimacy, sex and relationship addiction treatment for both men and women in gender-specific, gender-separate treatment and living environments.
Follow Robert on Twitter @RobWeissMSW
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????Last reviewed: 1 Feb 2012
APA Reference
Weiss LCSW, R. (2012). Women, Food, Drugs and Addictions: Identifying the Missing Piece. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 2, 2012, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2012/02/women-food-drugs-and-addictions-identifying-the-missing-piece/
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